where to next

so in the past few months a lot has happened. like a lot - somethings that were overly painful - somethings that were overly confusing - somethings that were amazing - and something that were overly damaging.

now i would love it if i could say that all these things are now coming full circle and life is back in a rhythm where everything made sense. but what would be the fun in that. what i can say which is honest and true is that a lot of forgiveness has taken place, not excusing thing but getting to a place where healing can take place and something new can be ushered in.

while i was praying the other weekend for a seminar i was praying for those who would be participating and something that came to my mind over and over again was solidarity and new beginnings. nothing all that new to me and didnt seem out of the ordinary but they kept up almost daily leading up to this training.

going into this training was rough for me, part of the past was there and i didnt know how i would be received. i went in with a mind set of grace. dont know how to really explain it more than that. when i got there all fears and doubts melted away almost instantly. a friend who i havent been able to connect with for a while was there and it felt as though a day hadnt past. there was a lot of openness and conversations that just can rejuvenate the soul.

i saw that the new beginnings were for me. a chance to leave behind the past life of what has been for me the last few months. a chance for something completely different and better than what i have been experiencing as of late. dont get me wrong there is still a lot of struggle here with trying to look at this with an open mind rather than setting a lot of defense mechanisms in place to keep this from happening again. but thats not what i want - its not what i chose - i want something unprecedented and better than i can ever imagine.

spending 4 days with some people i love so dearly was exactly what i needed. i miss these people a great deal, even the short time i was able to spend with my sister leaves me longing for more. i love my friends and my family, i hope you know that. if you are reading this i hope you know that i love you.

i have no idea what the future has for me or you. but i really hope we can continue on this journey together. you all mean the world to me.

so once again i am in the where next. looking at school and where i am financially Western looks like a big option. a lot would still have to happen between here and then. its hard because if you know me i would much rather say screw school and just live it up with my friends all day every day, but i am going to be an amazing doctor. stupid school...