so in the past few months a lot has happened. like a lot - somethings that were overly painful - somethings that were overly confusing - somethings that were amazing - and something that were overly damaging.
now i would love it if i could say that all these things are now coming full circle and life is back in a rhythm where everything made sense. but what would be the fun in that. what i can say which is honest and true is that a lot of forgiveness has taken place, not excusing thing but getting to a place where healing can take place and something new can be ushered in.
while i was praying the other weekend for a seminar i was praying for those who would be participating and something that came to my mind over and over again was solidarity and new beginnings. nothing all that new to me and didnt seem out of the ordinary but they kept up almost daily leading up to this training.
going into this training was rough for me, part of the past was there and i didnt know how i would be received. i went in with a mind set of grace. dont know how to really explain it more than that. when i got there all fears and doubts melted away almost instantly. a friend who i havent been able to connect with for a while was there and it felt as though a day hadnt past. there was a lot of openness and conversations that just can rejuvenate the soul.
i saw that the new beginnings were for me. a chance to leave behind the past life of what has been for me the last few months. a chance for something completely different and better than what i have been experiencing as of late. dont get me wrong there is still a lot of struggle here with trying to look at this with an open mind rather than setting a lot of defense mechanisms in place to keep this from happening again. but thats not what i want - its not what i chose - i want something unprecedented and better than i can ever imagine.
spending 4 days with some people i love so dearly was exactly what i needed. i miss these people a great deal, even the short time i was able to spend with my sister leaves me longing for more. i love my friends and my family, i hope you know that. if you are reading this i hope you know that i love you.
i have no idea what the future has for me or you. but i really hope we can continue on this journey together. you all mean the world to me.
so once again i am in the where next. looking at school and where i am financially Western looks like a big option. a lot would still have to happen between here and then. its hard because if you know me i would much rather say screw school and just live it up with my friends all day every day, but i am going to be an amazing doctor. stupid school...
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
so many countdowns yet so little time
so its been a while since i have posted. some what intentional. been super busy with school and just life. trying to get back into decent shape because im going running with my sister over thanksgiving! turkey trot here i come! have to be able to run it in a timely manner so we can make it to the 2nd largest parade next to macy's that side of the mississippi...lol - yeah - its pretty much amazing. not as much candy as grandville's 4th of july parade but im sure i can talk rich into getting me coffee again this year...heads up rich! =)
lets see here - in other news, there is no other news. i pretty much study all day, and talk to my sister, and try to keep up my sanity! oh dont forget running and playing soccer in those too.
theres a lot going through my head a lot - ive been running a lot more as of late - i should be running more. it would probably help more than anything else right now. its just interesting how the seasons of life come and go and what each one brings.
so there you go - nothing new learned but i dont want to post anything definite until ive thought over things a little more. so feel free to e-mail or call me if you want to know more!
lets see here - in other news, there is no other news. i pretty much study all day, and talk to my sister, and try to keep up my sanity! oh dont forget running and playing soccer in those too.
theres a lot going through my head a lot - ive been running a lot more as of late - i should be running more. it would probably help more than anything else right now. its just interesting how the seasons of life come and go and what each one brings.
so there you go - nothing new learned but i dont want to post anything definite until ive thought over things a little more. so feel free to e-mail or call me if you want to know more!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
why hello
its been a while i know. so much studying its not even funny - so much for the easing back into classes - no i like to jump in like jumping into lake michigan on the first day of spring... so while i come up with deep things to say look at these first - keep in mind i stole this from julie who stole it from someone who stole it from someone...after that i dont know the origin...
-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook or MySpace, people that I do know but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
-There is a great need for sarcasm font.
-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
- Was learning cursive really necessary?
- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)….uhmm.....Goonies"
- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
- Bad decisions make good stories.
-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem……
-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…
-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
-My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How do I respond to that?
-It really ticks me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
-I wonder if cops ever get ticked off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with MillerLite than Kay.
-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook or MySpace, people that I do know but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
-There is a great need for sarcasm font.
-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
- Was learning cursive really necessary?
- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)….uhmm.....Goonies"
- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
- Bad decisions make good stories.
-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem……
-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…
-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
-My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How do I respond to that?
-It really ticks me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
-I wonder if cops ever get ticked off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with MillerLite than Kay.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
you say that like its a bad thing
so i am me - always have been - always will be
my sister chuckled when i said the phrase "where ever you go, there you are" her response was something in the dur category. but its true. you bring specific things to the table and those are sometimes great things. things that make you you.
i have had some great conversations as of late due to some lovely experiences that have happened as of the last year or so where i have realized, well now looking back i realize a few things. for example: im not all about games. i call things as i see them. if i say something i mean it - if i say i will drive 3 hours to baby sit i will. or when it comes to anything i guess. i put myself out there right away, you ask me something you will get an honest and truthful answer. sometimes people dont like that so much because i dont always say that which they want to hear. rather i have been accused of being that little voice of reason that they have always heard but not want to acknowledge. how does that go, they hear but dont listen and soak it in. so be it - people are people and i know they can not be changed unless they themselves want to change.
that ushers in something else i realize. i love people. let me just say that again - i love people. not i love people when, or i love people if, or i love ____ kinds of people. my friends, we all mess up. i know - i do - a lot. its hard for me to admit but i still fight some of the problems i did back in like 2003. things i havent shared with many people that one of my friends picked up on the other week. and they still love me. i still love people. even those people who have hurt me. love them, i dont always want to or feel like i should have to but when i get past the pain - i still love them. even when they have moved far freaking away and we have awkward conversations - its finally a conversation. love. people who in the past have blatantly lied to me or other people and made my life a living chaos. i still love them. not just wish them well send them on their way but if they were to call me right now i would probably sit and talk with them for hours. not avoiding and looking past the wrongs. but loving even when i know they are there.
and im not saying this like it is a bad thing. i love who i am all at the same time. but it can be isolating. people sometimes tend to shy away from me because they know that they want or can do better and i just raise the bar on their life. in love. =) and that can make it hard. but it doesnt change me. i guess im also stubborn in that way and im ok with that.
be the change you wish to see in the world - step up to the plate - what do you want to see differently?
i am going to change the world. love is a crazy thing. it can make you do crazy things - just ask my sisters! but its easier to chose me and focus in on that. i track with that. but i dont think that is what i am called to do. i think that richen are starting to see the potential i see in myself and im getting geeked about it. they are starting to raise the bar on me for me to become more than potential says and i dont know if they even see it yet. (guess they will now!)
"my friends not only inspire me to be a better person but to take over the world and jump over tall buildings."
my sister chuckled when i said the phrase "where ever you go, there you are" her response was something in the dur category. but its true. you bring specific things to the table and those are sometimes great things. things that make you you.
i have had some great conversations as of late due to some lovely experiences that have happened as of the last year or so where i have realized, well now looking back i realize a few things. for example: im not all about games. i call things as i see them. if i say something i mean it - if i say i will drive 3 hours to baby sit i will. or when it comes to anything i guess. i put myself out there right away, you ask me something you will get an honest and truthful answer. sometimes people dont like that so much because i dont always say that which they want to hear. rather i have been accused of being that little voice of reason that they have always heard but not want to acknowledge. how does that go, they hear but dont listen and soak it in. so be it - people are people and i know they can not be changed unless they themselves want to change.
that ushers in something else i realize. i love people. let me just say that again - i love people. not i love people when, or i love people if, or i love ____ kinds of people. my friends, we all mess up. i know - i do - a lot. its hard for me to admit but i still fight some of the problems i did back in like 2003. things i havent shared with many people that one of my friends picked up on the other week. and they still love me. i still love people. even those people who have hurt me. love them, i dont always want to or feel like i should have to but when i get past the pain - i still love them. even when they have moved far freaking away and we have awkward conversations - its finally a conversation. love. people who in the past have blatantly lied to me or other people and made my life a living chaos. i still love them. not just wish them well send them on their way but if they were to call me right now i would probably sit and talk with them for hours. not avoiding and looking past the wrongs. but loving even when i know they are there.
and im not saying this like it is a bad thing. i love who i am all at the same time. but it can be isolating. people sometimes tend to shy away from me because they know that they want or can do better and i just raise the bar on their life. in love. =) and that can make it hard. but it doesnt change me. i guess im also stubborn in that way and im ok with that.
be the change you wish to see in the world - step up to the plate - what do you want to see differently?
i am going to change the world. love is a crazy thing. it can make you do crazy things - just ask my sisters! but its easier to chose me and focus in on that. i track with that. but i dont think that is what i am called to do. i think that richen are starting to see the potential i see in myself and im getting geeked about it. they are starting to raise the bar on me for me to become more than potential says and i dont know if they even see it yet. (guess they will now!)
"my friends not only inspire me to be a better person but to take over the world and jump over tall buildings."
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
i am embracing the fact
...that i am indeed chopped liver. but at least julie reads my blogg! =)
just kidding. but it is hilarious to hear a 4 year old call you that. she would probably now that shes is 5 but she has yet to so i cant fully embrace that theory. lol
yes i am in a much better mood.
my family (well most of them) remembered my birthday and it was glorious - i know that they love me so i guess that im a little more ok with them forgetting cause i know they know i exist and can celebrate all the good times with me other than just the day i was born. like the day i learn to read - i cant wait! lol
i love you all you have no idea - im am honestly blessed more than i know what to do with sometimes.
so sorry about the gloom and doom posts. but its me - they are what i feel at times and with school starting soon im sure if i post those in and of themselves should be interesting.
"here is to the now - undefined and unknown, we make it as we have no idea what comes next."
just kidding. but it is hilarious to hear a 4 year old call you that. she would probably now that shes is 5 but she has yet to so i cant fully embrace that theory. lol
yes i am in a much better mood.
my family (well most of them) remembered my birthday and it was glorious - i know that they love me so i guess that im a little more ok with them forgetting cause i know they know i exist and can celebrate all the good times with me other than just the day i was born. like the day i learn to read - i cant wait! lol
i love you all you have no idea - im am honestly blessed more than i know what to do with sometimes.
so sorry about the gloom and doom posts. but its me - they are what i feel at times and with school starting soon im sure if i post those in and of themselves should be interesting.
"here is to the now - undefined and unknown, we make it as we have no idea what comes next."
Saturday, August 22, 2009
“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain. And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy; And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over you.”(Griban)
hmmm - interesting.
last night went out for my birthday and it was pretty awesome if i do say so myself. and its my birthday so if i say it was awesome - it must have been awesome! it was a little hard though because 2 friends got sick - 2 friends got called into work - 1 friend got $125 stolen from him moments before the party and his fiance broke up with him moments before too.
why is there so much pain and hurting right now? typically i am the one who is all about helping others with what they are going through but right now im just in there with them and doesnt feel like someone is walking right along with in it with me. does that make any sense?
who even reads my blog anymore? lol - i know rich is a faithful follower - oh how i love my brother! and my sisters! and my family in general!
hmmm - interesting.
last night went out for my birthday and it was pretty awesome if i do say so myself. and its my birthday so if i say it was awesome - it must have been awesome! it was a little hard though because 2 friends got sick - 2 friends got called into work - 1 friend got $125 stolen from him moments before the party and his fiance broke up with him moments before too.
why is there so much pain and hurting right now? typically i am the one who is all about helping others with what they are going through but right now im just in there with them and doesnt feel like someone is walking right along with in it with me. does that make any sense?
who even reads my blog anymore? lol - i know rich is a faithful follower - oh how i love my brother! and my sisters! and my family in general!
Friday, August 21, 2009
almost!
another year almost done. i become 23 in just a few days.
woot woot! go team
school starts a week after that.
so much waiting - i hope things continue to look up!
woot woot! go team
school starts a week after that.
so much waiting - i hope things continue to look up!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
